I’m not
really sure where to start. I don’t know exactly what I’m hoping to accomplish
here, so maybe that’s part of the problem. I guess a good starting point is the
name, “Riding the Demeter to Whitby”. The Demeter was the ship that Dracula harnessed
to carry him from Transylvania to England. I’m not sure that leaves me, though.
Am I Dracula, driven by my rage to lay waste to London Town? I could be Lucy, seduced
by a passion she doesn’t understand and overwhelmed and eventually overcome by
it. There is Mina, tempted by the darkness but also drawn toward her true love
and saved by it. Perhaps I am simply one of the unsuspecting crew members of
the doomed Demeter, devoured by a power I am unaware of, and sent to my grave
never the wiser. Is this blog the chronicle of a marriage unravelling or a road
map thru a rough patch with a happy (more or less) ending at the other side?
I see this
man that I’ve committed my life to, and he is the same man I met fourteen years
ago. That’s the problem. He is the SAME and I am not. Through many jobs (and
unemployments), several major surgeries, a cross-country move, and a child, what
I want for our life and relationship is not the same as it was when we met at
24 years old. I crave stability and a quiet home life for our son, he still
wants to have fun and hang out with his buddies every night. A quiet night at
home is a failure in his world and in mine is a triumph. How can two people
evolve so differently and arrive so far apart yet still stay together?
But then I
look at him, and I realize that the man I fell in love with is still there. The
man with a heart bigger than the state of Texas. The man who would do anything
to make me happy-except change all that he is, of course. The funny,
charismatic, friend to everyone. The father of our child. How do I reconcile
these things in my mind? Can I still be in love with him if he makes me eternally
furious?
