But I passed the test. You came to me in your darkest moment, and although it broke my heart into a million pieces I did what I have never done with you before. I said "No". I did not allow you to pull me into your madness one last time. I am terrified of what will happen to you without your lifeline-me-but I am feeling lighter, more free, and more full of potential than I have in years.
I know I'm not really alone. There are many who care and will help if I ask. But, truly, in the daily chores and activities, it will just be me. I don't have a day a week to expect a break. I will do it on my own. I'm OK with that. I'd rather be on my own than drowning in the chaos that constantly surrounds you. I have every reason to make this work and an untapped potential of strength to do it with.
I have only to take one look into the face of my baby-who is no longer a baby-to find all the reason I need for moving on. I see a light at the end of the tunnel I've been crawling through. It is getting brighter every day I move further away from you. Soon, I will be back in the daylight, my little guy by my side, and, hopefully, you can find your own way through your own dark tunnel. I pray you do, but I am finally alone and not responsible for giving you my hand.
No comments:
Post a Comment