It shouldn't feel like a betrayal. Moving on has been my goal all along, but the actual act of recognizing that our future is so terribly different than it was supposed to be and moving forward on my own is difficult. I'm excited for this new chapter, and it looks promising, but I still mourn for what we had decided to build together.
Someday someone else will fill your shoes. Someday, you won't be the first person I think of when I have thoughts to share. Someday you won't be the last thing I think about at night while I'm trying to sleep. What if that someday is closer than I thought? What if that someday is now? How do you live life without your best friend beside you? This last link is all that held me to you, and as I prepare to sever it, I feel that same sadness and brokenness that almost crushed me in the beginning. Its weight is not as heavy, and it will not drown me as it did before, but I feel the water lapping around my calves. I feel the undertow gently pulling, and I slowly back out of the tide. I will leave you there to swim on your own. I can't swim beside you any more to give you the strength to keep swimming. It's time now to swim alone and fight off the sharks as they come for me. One of the sharks may even be a dolphin in disguise, but it's time for me to find out.
I'll miss you. I'll always love you. Goodbye.
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