Hope

The last few years have been some of the darkest days of my life. At times, I was aware of how miserable I was, but at other times, I just kept going and didn't think about the downward spiral my life was taking. Looking back, I realize that I felt completely powerless to change the way things were going, and in addition, didn't have the desire to stop it, for it would take a strength I didn't feel any longer.

Once I made the decision to make a drastic change, I started to feel something inside myself. Even before I saw results begin to bloom, I felt a bud of hope within. I made a conscious effort to focus on the positive of every situation, and forcing myself to look for good has helped me to change my perspective. I'm a long way from Pollyanna, but I'm working on it. At first it was difficult, as there didn't seem to be a lot of positive things to focus on in my world. As time has passed, though, the positives seem to be more obvious, and when they aren't immediately noticed, I've become better at finding them.

It sounds cliche, but I'm full of hope. I have let go of the overwhelming need to control every aspect of every situation, and embrace the unpredictability of life. This allows me to let hope in to my every day experiences. I don't mean hope like "I hope I win the lottery" (although, I wouldn't mind that-if the lottery number pickers are listening)! I mean simply a general, positive feeling that life will work itself out the way it's supposed to if I just work hard and stay focused on the things that are important. I work hard and love fully, embracing the unknown and trust that most things are not catastrophic, so I can manage whatever Life throws at me.

I still have anxiety, I am a work in progress. I do not float through my daily experiences like the Dalai Lama, serene in my faith. I stumble, but I make sure to re-focus on something good and keep moving forward. I put positivity out and get it back from those around me, and that continues the cycle. I try to enjoy the little things. I try to keep it simple. I try to stop and smell the roses. I make sure that when I feel overwhelmed, I look for hope and find the positive in my situation. I keep working and hope that eventually, I won't have to remind myself to look!