Letting Go

That Dolly Parton song that Whitney Houston made famous is stuck in my head today. You know the one..."I Will Always Love You". It's always struck me as a sad song, a woman who's in love with a guy who just won't settle down. Lately, I've been re-examining a lot of things I thought I knew and as I ponder this particular tune, I find myself thinking of it differently.

I listen to these words as they wiggle around my head like a worm and I think of a woman who has loved someone deeply and passionately, but now realizes that she's been selling herself short. I don't think the man has refused to settle down with her, I think she realizes after some time that she's settled. As much as she may love him, they aren't getting what they need out of the relationship and that's why she leaves.

She would "be in his way" because they have ceased to grow. They are like two saplings, growing out of the ground together, but as they entwine around each other and grow taller and stouter they start to suffocate each other. The relationship stops being a symbiotic force for good and starts to become parasitic as they take the very things from each other that they need to thrive. I don't think leaving is an easy choice for her, but she knows that it's time and has accepted that it's the best thing for both of them.

She leaves with sadness for what she's losing, but with the knowledge that she will be better and stronger for it in the long run. She takes those first terrifying, critical first steps, and as she steps off the porch into her future, she realizes for the first time in a long time that she is free. She hasn't even realized that she's been caged, and suddenly she can spread her wings! It's not the liberating feeling she expected because the weight of sadness for what she's losing is still with her, but the ability to look forward with no limits is so unfamiliar and so appealing that the sadness feels like just another layer of this delicious new possibility. She knows she will carry the scars and the sweetness of this time along with her forever, but it's finally OK. She's finally able to stand on her own in a way she couldn't when wrapped up and entwined around the other sapling. To quote another song, "to every thing...there is a season", and her new season is about to start.

It's a sad song because any time something ends there is a sadness to it, but at the same time, there is a measure of hopefulness too. She wants what's best for him, but what's best for her, too, and knows that on their own, each of them will find it. It's a song about letting go of the past and looking towards the future. There is no road map and no specific destination, but the opportunity to take the journey is all that matters.